So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
