I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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