Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Randomize
