Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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