I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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