dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
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It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
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I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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