You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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