1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
