Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
