I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
