Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
