Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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