i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
