Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
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