you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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