i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
