I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
