they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
