Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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