Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Randomize
