brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
