So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
honey bunches of taint.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
