I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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