Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
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Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
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I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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