Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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