If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
