I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
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a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
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He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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