You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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