One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
