we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
