I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
