Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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