Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
