I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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