Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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