if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
