Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
