I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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