Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
God I need to hump something, right now.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
