I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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