Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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