Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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