you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
