That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
