I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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