who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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