There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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