can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
