this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
