I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
