oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
