I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
