I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
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Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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