ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
