The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
