I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
