Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
