Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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