Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
