i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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