so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
