before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
