Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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