I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
