Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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