I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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