i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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