dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
