oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
