PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
