Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
