There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
