Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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