This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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