So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
