No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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