I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
