I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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