Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He shit in the fireplace
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
