Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Fuck appropriateness.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
