Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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