Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Randomize
